"Then let's look on the bright side: we're having an adventure. . . and most people live and die without being as lucky as we are"
-- The Princess Bride

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

My Apartment 1970's TV Show

Enter the protagonists, Kris and Jessica, young, happy, in love, and freshly moved into their awesome apartment.

over time (and many montages of cooking, bbq's, holidays, etc) we meet. . . the neighbors.

The Mitchell n' Mann promo shot.  Pretty awesome, I know.

In this episode of "The Mitchell n' Mann" (get it? like the Michelin Man?? No? Whatever, you suck) the audience gets to learn all about some of the neighbors.


Theme music plays
Scene 1
it's 2am, and there is a loud crash
Kris and Jessica awake from their slumbers
K: what was that?
J: no, not again, OH GOD WHYYYYY?
noises from below ensue, yelling, profanities, muffled crying,
     "I will never win a fight with you, dating lawyers is the worst!"
     (light awkward audience laughter)
J: It's. . . the neighbors.
K: what are you talking about?
J: the downstairs neighbors.  Haven't you noticed? They get in multi-hour-long fights that last until about 3 am and then they have raucous angry make up sex until 5.  While I admit I am intrigued by some of the noises, I mostly want to pound on the floor and blare (insert 70's artist similar to Justin Beiber here) songs through the floors.
K: Maybe they won't do that this time
noisy sex commences below, muffled scream, slap, laughter, moaning. . .  2 hours pass

Scene 2
repeat exactly the same thing once every two or three weeks for a year

Scene 3
J: I can't take this anymore! *jumps on floor for twenty minutes, screaming along to (70's artist), scares kitten*
K: Do you feel better now?
J: yes, much, quite, thank you.

Scene 4
8 am on a Saturday
Jackhammer noises and sawing below
K: what the hell are they doing?
J: killing us slowly with their inability to share a functioning relationship?
Kris goes to check it out, and returns with news.

End episode.

Yeah! My crappy downstairs neighbors moved out! Hopefully the new ones will be awesome and want to play Kinect with me and not have angry hate sex at 4 in the morning!

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